Like a father
by Paranoidgirl
Summary: After Brim Simbra's Death, Balarius starts to doubt if he really can take the place as new Overseer of the Galaxy.


Notes:

As said in the summary, this fanfic contains a HUGE spoiler for Episode 22. Yes, an episode that hasn't even aired yet. Please don't ask me for details, most of you probably know. I tried to keep most things as vague as possible, save the one spoiler that drives this piece. It helps that it focusses on a minor character; Brim Balarius.

Be warned that this is a very 'Stream of consciousness' style of writing, focussing more on the inner workings of characters then any sort of plot and might become a bit incomprehensible (I was reminded of Neon Genesis Evangelion's infamous introspective bits once I reread it for myself...). I also came up with my own things a LOT since, while interesting, Balarius is quite the minor character.

This... MIGHT turn into an A.U. sooner or later, seeing how the series hasn't even reached this point and I might contradict canon one way or other sooner or later. But once again, it's more about a character's inner workings then anything else.

Anyway, hope this is enjoyable and not too soon to be released.

* * *

And with that... he was gone. Brim Simbra, leader of the Flux society and my personal mentor since my childhood... truly gone. Both his body and mind have moved on.

I couldn't help but feel sad for a moment, closing my eyes to compose myself.

You were always there for me. Even when I pushed everyone away, including myself. You would always support me.

I was never able to return the favor. And now... I never will be.

Meeting's over. A lot has been revealed and we have to do something to secure the safety of the entire Galaxy... but to me, it feels so insignificant. It can wait. It can all wait.

Here I sit, cross-legged in my private quarters, feeling slight tremors shaking my body. I managed to hide it in front of the others, but the magnificent powers that came to me as soon as I was appointed as Brim Balarius, now on both an official and a spiritual level, were slightly overwhelming, and it would take some time completely mastering them. Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to focus the powerful flux now taking refuge within me.

"Focus... focus..." I ordered myself, growling slightly because of the pressure. It shouldn't be this hard... I have prepared myself to control this power for a long time, it shouldn't be this hard! But it was. For some reason, it was. As if the Flux wasn't... accepting me.

All of a sudden I could hear a voice call out to me.

_Balarius_

Widening my eyes, I looked around.

"Who goes there? I told you I didn't want to be disturbed." I called out, but I received no reaction. Sighing frustrated, I returned to my strenuous task at hand.

The next morning, I woke up in my bed with a throbbing headache, no memory of when exactly I fell asleep. I even had my robes still on. Groaning, I stood up. I had no time to be laying around... the Galaxy was in turmoil. As the new Brim, it was my responsibility to restore it's peace. Ignoring my headache and overall queasiness, I made my way to the grand hall, feeling the orb of Flux form around me. Really, how Brim Simbra could keep this up permanently was beyond me... my headache only grew to the point it was hard to think.

"Brim Balarius...?" I heard someone say. "Maybe we should delay this meeting until another time." Oh for the love off...!  
"If we delay this, there might not BE another time." I scolder who...whoever was speaking to me. This had to happen NOW, headache and blurry vision be damned. But admittedly, the spinning was a bit much... "W-we have to do this...now..." With that, the world didn't just spin. It turned a full one-hundred-and-eighty degree angle and went completely black as I felt the orb around me dissipate and I was falling into the dark abyss of unconsciousness...

When I came to, I was in my bed again. Dressed down, however, as I moved my hand to rub my still aching head and saw the red markings on my bare arms. They were glowing, probably due to the amount of flux within me.

_Balarius..._

That voice again... and with it, realization hitting me like a brick to the head, I sat up quickly. Bad idea, as the headache still grew and I groaned, holding my head with both hands.  
"I see you're awake." I could hear someone say, and I looked beside me to see Dame Mary. A young lightning woman and about the same age as me and the Society's main Medic when Dame Simbai left. "Gave us quite a scare, falling out of your bubble like that."

"It's not a bubble, it's an orb of very powerful flux." I corrected her, getting up. "Could you tell me why I fainted?"

"Flux overload." She said, looking down. "Guess you're having trouble getting used to the power that gets bestowed on the Brim."

"Figures." I couldn't help but spit out, searching for my robes. "No matter, I must simply work harder in order to control it."

"About that..." Mary said, voice faltering. I did not like that tone.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"Balarius, I know you don't want to hear this, but as a doctor, I must advice you to abdicate this power to someone else." She... she couldn't be serious!

"No! Brim Simbra chose me as his successor, it is MY responsibility." I told her, getting up.

"Balarius, you fainted due to a Flux overload. If that keeps up, you might die."

"Which would be a sacrifice I'm willing to take." I softly told her, this seemed to both shock and sadden her.

"But... Balarius! We already lost one Brim, to lose another within the space of a week...!" She muttered, bowing and leaving.

"I will NOT abdicate this power!" I now roared as she stepped back fearfully. Clenching my fists, I managed to calm myself. It had been a while since my temper flared, and without Brim Simbra around, I'm afraid of the consequences if I lost control... "I'm sorry. Just... just leave me be for the moment. Please."

"As you wish." She quietly said, leaving my quarters. Sighing, I slumped back on my bed. Better get back to trying to control it...

Hours later, and I still couldn't do it. My face scrunching in both concentration and frustration, I tried my very best to control my new found powers, as they slowly but steadily started to control me instead. My red markings were glowing so brightly that they burned, even visible trough my robes. I had just about enough, as my patience snapped.

"Why won't you accept me?" I roared. "I spent my entire life as a loyal subject to both Brim Simbra and the Flux society. I was prepared for this role since childhood. Why won't you accept me?" I know I sounded ridiculous, raging on a non-sentient power like this. But I couldn't help myself.

_Balarius..._

"And what is with this voice? Shut up! I already have enough on my plate, I do NOT need a disembodied voice to go along with it!" I told it. About then a blue, glowing orb seemed to descend down towards me. In my frustration I wanted to attack it, but something about it felt... warm. Good.

"_My dear Balarius."_ It said, it's light expanding and blinding me. Once I could see again, I was... surrounded by stars and distant galaxies. Looking around in wonder, my eyes wandered in front of me, as I gasped.

Brim Simbra...

"Master..." I said, voice faint by shock and surprise. He just smiled as I noticed he was glowing slightly... and transparent. "Are you..."  
"Calling you from beyond Death? Yes." He answered my question. "Admittedly, this is difficult and I won't be able to do it once this is over... but I felt you needed some words with me."

"But what... how...?" I tried, not really getting it. He just raised his hand.

"All you need to know is this: I'm here to help you." Brim Simbra said to me. This made me look down, clenching my fists.

"So you have been watching me..." I said.

"I have. Shouldn't a Master watch over his Student when he follows in his footsteps?"

"Not when the Student fails miserably at his given task." I said, not daring to look into his sad gaze and see his disappointment. "It won't accept me. The flux just won't accept me as the new Brim."

"I see... have you tried a different method?"  
"Different Method? This is the one you taught to me!" He just shook his head. I knew it. He was disappointed... "I'm sorry, Master..."

"Don't be. I should have seen this coming. It's not your methods, it's your focus. As dedicated as you are, you're too focused on the things that matter the least: technique and practice."

"But... "  
"Hush now, Balarius." He said, raising his hand. "You are right that these things matter, and a near perfect student in mastering these elements. However, you were always overlooking a very important aspect; Heart." Heart? Heart? This task was always a priority in my mind, and he's telling me I lack heart?

"I... don't understand." I managed. I could never raise my voice against Brim Simbra, even if I disagreed on what he said. "I have heart... I have passion..."

"Yet you still distance yourself from the things that matter most with this task: the lives of others."

"What?"  
"This is often the most difficult to explain..." Brim Simbra sighed. "Since it's something that you must feel, not what you must do. However, I think I have some words that might help." He smiled at that. "Having the responsibility to watch over the balance of the entire Galaxy can be intimidating." Simbra told me. "It helps to 'Scale things down' as it were. Find a reason to control it on a more personal level." I could feel his hand going to my shoulder. Even in this intangible form I could feel his warmth. His care. "In my darkest hours, I just concentrated on keeping the universe in balance, for you." This touched me, but also struck a more painful note.

"I do not have someone to protect. Not any more." I said, head down. Something welled up in my eyes. "This... this can't be the true way. I've been pushing my feelings away for so long while they were the key to controlling this power? How could I be so wrong?" I held my head, as the tears in my eyes started to spill. "And now... I have nothing. The Elders were right. I was never meant to have this power."

"Please don't think like that, Balarius. Just because I'm not with the living anymore, doesn't mean I'm away. You said it yourself, my spirit will live on in the hearts of all. And I will be watching over you." He smiled. That kind, knowing smile. "Now, what will I see?"

"You'll see..." I started, wiping my eyes as I raised my head, feeling the confidence I believed was lost fill my heart. "A strong and confident leader that will do anything in it's power to continue your noble work." Once more that soft smile, that I always like to think was meant for me specifically.

"That's good to hear." He said, as small particles of light were coming from him and he was fading away. "I must go now. But do not worry, I will never be gone completely."  
"Master Simbra..." I managed. "I..." I wanted to tell him...I wanted to tell him so bad.

"I know." He simply said, before disappearing completely.

_I'll always be in your heart, Balarius. _

Those were his final words, as I was once more enveloped in a bright, blinding light.

When I woke up, I felt so warm inside. I haven't felt this way in such a long while. The Flux, once a burden, now felt welcome and natural. And I would keep it that way, for Brim Simbra. Getting up, I was greeted by Dame Mary again.

"Oh thank the Heavens." She said. "I found you, collapsed and you didn't wake up and you even stopped breathing..." She rambled.

"You don't have to worry about me anymore." I said, going for the door. "It has all been solved. As you probably felt and registered, the Flux within me has settled down and accepted me."

"Yes, but... why? How?" She tried, I just smiled as I opened the door.

"Didn't we have a crisis at our hands?" I said, turning around towards her. With that, we focused at the task at hand. The Galaxy was still imbalanced and at risk. But with renewed confidence, I was ready to guide it towards stabler times.


End file.
